i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
