idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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