im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
