in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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