Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
