Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
