best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
