i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
