so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
