Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
