I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
