So drunk its hurt
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
