I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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