There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
