omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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