Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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