you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
