Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
