either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
