Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
