woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He shit in the fireplace
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
