No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I touched a dick in church today
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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