You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
