Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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