boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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