id be glad to
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
