he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Boobs are out for the taking
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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