my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
