Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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