He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
