508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
