mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
