Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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