Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
