i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
