Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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