erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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