on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
