Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
