You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sobbing to NWA
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
