no, he came in my armpit
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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