Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
