i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
