apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
