the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i think my mom watched the whole time
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
