You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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