is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
