you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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