on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
