You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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