too bad you live with your parents still
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
