Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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